Overwhelmed caregivers ask, “Will I survive a caregiver?”
Maybe.
To know for sure, follow those who have walked in your shoes.
When you walk upon the road of caregiving do you have directions? Kamagra 50mg pills
“Is there even a map?” you ask.
More “caregiving maps” are available to today than just a short decade ago thanks to books, support groups, online resources and interactive support, help lines, educational conferences, and retreats. It wasn’t always this way. Caregiving seemed to be a silent journey to be endured alone.
Early on, during my walk along the caregiving road, I lamented to my father’s attorney that caring for my father was the least of my burdens. Most of the weight I carried was his unresolved estate-related matters.
I hated that my father didn’t make decisions earlier. At age eighty-five he wondered why I was concerned. “I’m going to live another fifteen years!” he exclaimed.
A year later, when he could no longer live independently, my husband and I moved him into our home in California.
It fell on my shoulders, his conservator, to seek closure on the many unfinished and partial details he left on scraps of paper.
It wasn’t easy and my role drove wedges among my sister, brother, and I, which remain in place to this day; nearly a decade and a half later.
At $250 an hour, my father’s attorney shared two simple analogies:
You decided to pick up an acorn and instead got the whole oak tree!
You decided to pick up a grain of sand and instead got the whole beach!
In a strange way, the pictures he painted made me feel better.
Surviving caregiving is your choice!
Seriously!
Too many caregivers die prematurely during their journeys. Many die trying to do and be everything for their loved ones. Instead, they exhaust themselves to death leaving their loved ones behind.
To survive and even thrive you need to accept that you can’t do everything yourself.
In order to survive, thrive, and find JOY along the way, follow these three tips.
ONE: Take care of yourself first.
Dr. Dosa, gerontologist and author, includes this as the first tip for caregivers in his NY Times bestselling book, Making Rounds with Oscar.
You’ve likely heard this before. “Take care of yourself first,” is repeated in every presentation, educational session, and in helpful tips for caregivers; yet few of us heed this advice. Instead, we retreat from others and get crushed alone by the weight of caregiving. We slowly fall into depression, become ill, and some of us may even die.
If you want to survive, take care of yourself first; otherwise you won’t be around long enough to take care of your loved one.
Sometimes, all it takes is stepping away for five minutes. Other times, it means asking for help so you can take a day-long, weekend, or longer break to regain perspective and balance in your life.
Once you’ve committed to taking care of yourself in order to survive as a caregiver, take the next step.
TWO: Learn about your loved one’s disease or illness so you know what to expect.
Talk with others who are walking along the same caregiving road. Join a support group. Mine became my life-support group. You’ll be surprised how much you thrive as a caregiver when you have the support of people who speak the same language and shed the same tears (of JOY) as you.
As you learn what to expect, you’ll likely find that you have more options. Holly Whittelsey Whiteside advises in The Caregiver’s Compass, to be flexible in your approach. The more you are aware of who you are, your needs, and limitations, the more flexible you can be in welcoming the changes to your life that come with being a caregiver. Once you’re taking care of yourself and thriving as a caregiver, you may even find the JOYs.
THREE: Care for your loved one as you want to be cared for if you had the disease or illness.
Once you learn enough about your loved one’s illness or disease to walk in his/her shoes, you’ll discover a whole new way of caring with greater compassion. Surprisingly you’ll gain more strength, because your care is directed from an empathic answer to the question, “How would I want to be cared for if I had this disease or illness?” The honest answer to this one question will dramatically improve your approach to caregiving.
Little things will stop being as irritating. Instead, you’ll find more reasons to laugh as you journey forth with your loved one. You’ll find precious JOY in that moment when your husband, wife, or parent remembers you and calls you by your (correct) name.
Survive, thrive, and even find the JOY in caregiving following these three tips. They are not always easy to follow, but if you keep focused on them day-to-day, you’ll do much better as a caregiver than if you ignore them all together. I know. I survived, thrived, and even found the joy.
